Records are fun. They are large waxy discs containing musical messages, and they are not that serious. I have many records from many places, records of many colours and expressions. Records, records, records, boxes of records to sell, cubes full of the bloody things. I often fib the answer to the question “what was the first record you ever bought” because Joni Mitchell’s ‘Blue’ was not my first ever record. This is a made-up lie by a made-up liar.